Make Sure to Proof that Resume When You're Job Hunting - 22 Things NOT to Say to Employers
Looking for employment in Virginia? Here are twenty-two things you might not want to include on your resume!
1. It's best for employers that I not work with people.
2. Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume. (maybe if you're applying at a pet store, and you know they have a sense of humor)
3. I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.
4. I am a rabid typist. (if that IS the case, you might want to get shots first and look for work at a later date)
5. If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
6. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
7. Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty! (two words: spell check)
8. My fortune cookie said, "Your next interview will result in a job." And I like your company in particular.
9. Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.
10. Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
11. Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
12. Worked as a Corporate Lesion.
13. Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis. (Only relevant if you're looking for a career in politics)
14. Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
15. Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
16. I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can.
17. While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system. (Great if you're applying at Weight Watchers)
18. I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
19. Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.
20. Personal achievements: Successfully played "Chop Sticks" on a toy piano with my big toes.
21. Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication.
22. Strengths: Impersonal skills.
Put some thought into your job search and get help proofing and editing your resume and cover letters; the extra effort could really pay off in the long run!
